I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
