Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
