I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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