haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
