She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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