the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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