If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You can't special order awesome
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
