I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
