You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
