my phone needs a breathalizer
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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