everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
