Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
time to smoke my breakfast
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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