i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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