they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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