is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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