Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
