so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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