He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
