You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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