u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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