when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
