You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
