i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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