Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
