This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
