The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
