Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
