I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
