there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
