You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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