I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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