Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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