Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
