Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
