At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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