It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
