i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
