OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
