this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
