Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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