Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
