Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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