You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
