he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
