i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
