yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
