When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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