Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
