My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
