you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
