I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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