Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
